'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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