There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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