He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
