I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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