i need an iv and a liver transplant
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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