yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
