She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
