I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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