This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
