She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
