Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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