Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
