they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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