I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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