Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
