He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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