Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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