dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
