I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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