Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
