i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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