and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
