Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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