Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
