Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
