just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
