Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
