rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
