My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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