but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
