Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
