You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
