Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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