Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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