So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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