do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
