i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
