Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize