moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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