well you can't waste a boner
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
