Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
