Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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