theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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