my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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