i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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