you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
