I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
