i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this just has baby written all over it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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