is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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