i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
