Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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