So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
