you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
