Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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