Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
