Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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