Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
