Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize