You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
