We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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