I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
