you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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