Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
