i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
