Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize