a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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