I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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