I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
