I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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