So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
