I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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