I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize