i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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