you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize