the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
