Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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