i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
