That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
