why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
