all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
