but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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