we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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