Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im calling her cock vulture from now on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
