For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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