I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
