after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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