I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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