please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
