Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
