She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
