I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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