there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
