If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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