apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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