whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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