Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
