make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
