At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
