every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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