I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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